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Chapter #24

Declan 2.0 (River Walk)

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Shortly afterwards I was awakened by two very large
men, dressed to the nines.
“Mr. Fonzerelli, it's time. Come with us.”
And they escorted me out and through the
bar/restaurant car, and into the guest car of the
train. They sat me down and went over a few do's and
don’ts. Then I heard a high-pitched whistling sound
as Nigbone the drone came out of a closet and
whipped up another batch of love potion number
nine. I wasn't sure if I wanted to drink it or not. I
mean, I didn't want to, but there was no escape and I
didn't think I really had a choice.
My escort made sure I drank it down, waited a
moment, and then sprayed my eyes with some crap
again. The droid made some more whistling noises
that sounded like it was laughing at me. It even
shook back and forth a couple of times. I wanted to
smack him.
He spun his head around and then just like before,
Nigbone the drone projected a hologram of the most
beautiful woman I'd ever seen. I really love her pretty
face and her blonde, Texas-style big hair', hairdo.
I was in love. I wonder what's in that love potion
number nine.
The one escort winked. Then the corner of other one’s
mouth lifted slightly, he looked at me looking at the
blonde with stars in my eyes and said, “Yeah, he's
Then he looked back at me and said sternly, “You'll
refer to your mistress only as, ‘My Love’ or ’Precious'.”
“She is so precious,” I answered.
Then one of them gave me a little blue pill and said,
“Take this.”

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Then he gave me a cup of cool water. I put it on my
tongue and swallowed it down with a sip. Then he
said, “If you experience an erection lasting longer
than four hours, contact your physician, heh, heh.”
I gave him a puzzled look as the other one snorted.
I looked down at my groin, it was already ready. The
holographic projection of My Love was very racy. I
had this weird shit eating grin on my face, and I felt
all strange and out of sorts. I do believe the love
potion was fully kicked in.
The train's wheels found track and the floor started
vibrating as we came to a gradual halt. We all three
stood up and held onto some bars left and right of
the door, waiting for it to open.
Thing one looked down at my bulging pants and back
at me and said, “Just wait until the pill kicks in.”
nodding his head with a sarcastic look on his face.
KungKLCK Tshhhhhh Rowrrrrerwrrck. The doors
popped out, then parted and slid side to side. An
escalator rolled steps out to their extent, then an arm
lowered them down to the ground.
A bit surprised, I heard Cash, the bartender, call out
to me. We all turned to see him. One of the guards
put his hand on some kind of weapon holstered
under his gray and white pinstriped suite.
Cash hollered out, “Hey! Hey, Duboc, you still want
this Sprite you ordered, or should I throw it out?”
“Sure,” I said. I could use a Jack and Sprite right
now, why not, right?
I took a couple of steps on a narrow walkway to the
open window and he handed me a to-go cup with a
lid and a straw.
I started to take a sip, but when I got it close I caught
a whiff and thought, ooh, that's powerful. I pretended
to take a sip and I put it down really fast, so the
guard detail wouldn't smell it. They looked a little
annoyed about the whole scenario, but then Cash
said, “Go get'm Romeo!”

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The phrase lightened the mood and I waved goodbye
to him as I got on the escalator going down. Pretty
cool of ole Cash to give me a good one to go. I figured
I'd slam it down, first opportunity.
I think I'm going to get lucky this trip. As long as she
doesn't beat me or shove things up my ass, this might
just be alright.
We hopped in a limo ball that was waiting for us and
took off towards down town. Thing one saluted an old
stone building and said, “Remember the Alamo” as
we drove by it. Thing two said, “You know I was
named after Davy Crockett. He was some famous guy
that died there.”
Looking around, I noticed a couple of F-69 fighter
saucers in the sky along with several other personal
fliers. Yeah, the place was buzzing with activity.
We made our way to the heart of town and the limo
ball dropped us off in the midst of several tall towers.
We walked underneath one of them with an open
courtyard that had several open archways with large
pillars arrayed around the building and underneath
the building. It was nice and shady under the
massive structure with several people coming and
going. The atmosphere was light and festive as people
were laughing, talking, and having a good time. There
were benches and street vendors selling their goods,
including tamales, grilled spicy corn, and sombreros.
There was little elbowroom between the guards for me
though, so close that I couldn't even take a sip of the
bourbon that I was carrying. I was afraid they'd beat
me and Johnny to death if they found out what was
in that to-go cup.
Off in the distance, I could hear someone whistling
and drumming an island style samba. The music was
echoing through the canyon of the city’s tall
buildings. It was a nice addition to the overall feel of
the downtown area.

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We moved our way to the other side of the courtyard
and started down a sidewalk that ran alongside a
narrow river flowing in between the maze of
buildings. It even branched off in places and went
under the bridges of the downtown streets. I saw a
sign that read, “River Walk.”
I faked a sip and then gazed across the still water
and noticed three unusual lily pads floating on top of
the river. They were a reddish color and seemed to
have a fleshy texture. They looked kind of like piggy
nostrils floating on top of the water with unusual
cattail like reeds swaying in the gentle breeze behind
them. I don’t know why, but they caught my eye.
They looked strangely familiar for some reason.
A festive barge filled with tourists cruised
lackadaisically by. I could see a handful of them up
and down the river and some of the barges even had
restaurant tables and waitresses serving Mexican
food on them. All the boats were brightly colored and
were about seven seats wide and twelve seats deep,
with a wheel and a captain in the rear.
I glanced across the waterway and saw a
maintenance man on a ladder. He stuck something
on the corner of a building and gave Davy Crockett
and thing one a thumbs up.
It gave me a sinking feeling. I'm quite sure he'd just
completed his mission. Surly he'd just created a huge
void in sync world. A yellow riverboat bumped into
the docking plank that we'd just walked out on to.
The captain got off the boat and traded jackets with
thing one, then walked off unnoticed into the crowd
with Davy Crockett.
We boarded the vessel, and thing one told me to sit
down and put my hands on my knees. So, I sat down
and put my Sprite in front of me on an otherwise
empty table, then put my hands on my knees. I was
so fucking horny. He said, “Lift your arms straight
up. Puzzled, I lifted them and instantly felt restraints

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wrap around my wrists and click into a locked
Terror pounded my heart like a sledgehammer
wielding lumber jack. My face grew flush as my
thoughts raced with excitement. I was a nervous
wreck, y'all. I, Doobie, Duboc Fonzerelli, Dicky
Duncan Declan was about to meet. . . the love of my
life. Maybe she'll ask me to be the first man! How cool
would that be?
Thing one smiled, grabbed my arms, and checked
them. Then he walked over behind the wheel and
upped the throttle. We putted out into the middle of
the river and slowly passed a few passersby walking
up and down the riverwalk. There were colorful
umbrellas adorning the outside dining tables of
riverside restaurants and bars. It was a beautiful day
for a boat ride, a little humid, but nice.
We turned at a fork in the river and went through a
short, dark tunnel, and when we were coming out the
other side, the bright view in front of me wrinkled
and fell back revealing my precious love and what
must have been her personal bodyguard. It sounded
like a chain hitting the bottom of the boat. It must've
been quite heavy, I thought. Then I noticed there
were weights lining the bottom of the cloaking
material to keep it from blowing in the wind.
Cloaking cloth. I've heard rumors, but I didn't really
think that they existed yet. Pretty cool. A familiar face
popped up above the table from my precious' lap. It
was a naked cat's, cat head. She started petting it
and the sight of it gave me the heebie-jeebies. How
could such a beautiful, sensual woman possess a
hideous, grotesque animal like that.
I cringed inside while watching her stroke the
catdog’s head. I tipped my head forward and wrapped
my lips around the straw of my drink and took a big,
long sip of the Jack and Sprite and gulped it. I looked
back up and the damn thing was staring at me. I

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tipped my head down and took another long, slow
sip, then I sat back and closed my eyes. Visions of my
love and sugar canes danced in my messed up,
lovesick brain.
I opened my eyes and looked over the table at her.
Then I looked down at my straw and took another
sip. As I lifted my head this time, my vision became
very blurry. I tried to pull my hands out from under
the table to rub them, but I couldn't, so I started
blinking several times in an effort to clear them. As
my eyes teared up, I smelled a smell like burnt
cinnamon buns or wild cherries.
It took a few moments to clear my eyes. When they
finally found sight, my precious love had disappeared
and Suzy, from Peyote Patty's room back in the
mental ward, was sitting across from me wearing a
blonde, “Texas, big hair,” hair style.
I was speechless and shocked.
She cackled when she saw my startled facial
expression and rolled her R's like before and said,
“What? Didn't they warrrrrn you not to drrrrink
alcohol with sprrritz in your eyes?” Then she
demeaned me with the words, “Dumb ass.”
“And what do you think? That we're here on some
sort of rrrromantic fantasy date?” She put her hands
on the table and leaned in towards me and crowed,
“Think that I'm here to scrrrrew your brains out?”
She threw her head back and cackled while rubbing
my throbbing cock with her foot under the table.
A cooling shadow fell over us as the boat went
through a tunnel under a wide street and she slapped
the living shit out of me. Then her face wrinkled up
as she cringed, “Think I'm insane?”
I didn't know what the hell to say. I was in total
She continued, “Humans are filthy,

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grotesque beings living on a filthy disgusting planet. I
wouldn't scrrrrew you if you were the last mammal in
the universe.”
She lowered her voice and said in a somber tone,
“you’rrrrrre going to tell me who's hiding yourrr
identity and how theyrrrre
doing it.”
“But, but but how did you know?” I asked.
She slapped my other cheek and stated excitedly, “I
Then she sat back down and said, “I know everybody
and everrrything within a ten-mile rrradius, and
everything that moves in my direction. You have no
idea who and or what I am.” She stood up, threw arms
high in the air, and crowed, “I'll soon be known as the
mother of God and your entire planet will bow down
to worship me.”
The atmosphere grew dense with the demonic energy
flowing out from this woman's words, face, and
presence. I was trembling all over and just before my
demise from pure heart attack, a snork appeared
behind her.
My eyes opened wide with astonishment as the
creature stealthily crawled up the wooden balusters
of the boat’s safety rail with a long, shiny blade.
Suzy never saw it coming, and he sliced her throat
from ear to ear then pushed her down out of her
chair, right in front of me.
I looked over toward the wheel, and the guards had
suffered a similar fate and were being covered with
one of the cloaking cloths by another snork and yet a
third snork was easing himself into the river.
I felt my hand restraints pop open as the creature in
front of me pushed a clicker. His pointy teeth
appeared behind his snork smile and then he threw
his blade right at my face. Hard.

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My hands flew up from underneath the table and I
caught it, out of pure instinct, then he laughed and
said, “Now who do you think they're going to blame?”
“Fuck!” I yelped as my jaw dropped in disbelief.
Fuck me,
“Oh shit, Oh shit, hoooo, shit, F-u-u-u-u-uck me!”
Oh, my God. Why does everything have to happen to
I looked around, but they were gone. Apparently, we'd
entered some kind of maintenance fork in the river
and were headed straight for a mechanic swapping
fuel cells on a restaurant barge straight up ahead. I
jumped up and threw the damn thing in reverse
before we got close enough for him to really notice.
I looked over where Suzy was sitting and saw blood
running out from under the cloaking cloth covering
What the fuck am I gonna do now?
My heart was pounding out of my chest. My stomach
was in knots. Fuck me, I can't believe this is
happening. No way, no fucking way, I can't believe it.
I grabbed the wheel and turned the boat around. I
was tripping and slipping on the blood. I didn't know
what the hell to do. I looked back down at where
Suzy was lying under the cloaking cloth, and that
stupid catdog was licking her blood.
The sight of it made me ill. I wasn't sure what the hell
to do. My skin was tingling as my adrenaline-soaked
nerves had every hair on my body standing on edge.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her blonde wig
hanging on a splinter sticking out from one of the
safety rail balusters. It must've gotten hung up when
the snork pushed Suzy down after slicing her throat.
The sight was slightly comforting, and I reached
down, grabbed it, and put it on. It was a humbling,
familiar experience, I thought as cold sweat ran down
my face.

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Unbelievable. This could only open happen to me.
There's no way that this wasn't planned from the
beginning of time.
Rational thought slowly returned, and I started
thinking, this is my chance. This is my chance to
But then again, maybe I should go back on the train.
Nobody knows I'm here except those involved in the
secret, underground sex slave operation. I was
completely lost, and I knew time was running out. I
had the throttle of the boat all the way up, but it still
wasn't much faster than the pace of the tourists
walking up and down the river.
Fuck, I should've gotten off the boat back at the
maintenance canal. By this time, the blood had all
but covered the bottom of the boat. It looked almost
like somebody had painted it red. It was starting to
leave a trail in the river. Time was running out.
The echoing of the guy that was whistling and playing
the drums was getting louder, and when I floated
around the bend, he came into view.
He was a tall black man standing beside an old,
abused, pink bicycle with two beat up fifty-five-gallon
barrels sitting atop a makeshift cart. The drums were
very loud, and his head swayed back and forth from
being so into his music. He had big drumsticks that
rattled when he shook them, and this guy could
whistle louder than anybody I'd ever heard. It was
piercing my eardrums and you could hear him
whistling his tunes for miles up and down the
I was trying to act cool in my frazzled, nerve-wracked
body. I watched him closely as I floated by him. He
had holes in his shoes and rags for clothes. I was
totally envious. I wanted to be him so bad.
He was whistling and drumming like he didn't have a
care in the world.

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Why can't I be like that? A tourist wearing a flowery
shirt and big sunglasses threw a couple of stollars
into his upside-down hat as she strolled by.
Fuck, I hate my life. I decided I should turn the boat
around. The dock where I boarded was surely the
other way.
What's the difference? I am so busted. What the hell
am I going to do?
Just then, I noticed another riverboat. It was behind
a swimming pool at the Hilton tower just up ahead. It
had a handful of tourists on it and it was leaving the
dock. There wasn't another soul around except a
couple of sunbathers by the pool ways a way and
some intoxicated tourists yelping and dancing over by
the guy playing the barrels and whistling.
This is my shot. I slowed the boat down and pulled
really close to the dock where I jumped off as we
passed by. The boat kept traveling up the river and
the stupid catdog jumped off and looked back, then
followed me.
I tried to shoo him away, but it just wouldn't go.
His wrinkly naked cat, cat paws were covered in
blood along with his dog-faced tail.
I walked swiftly past the whistler and then exited the
riverwalk through a Mexican restaurant. A dark-
haired waitress with cinnamon skin and a very
pretty, white sundress flashed me a smile as I passed
her by.
I almost ran smack dab into a waiter carrying plate
full of flour tortillas and enchiladas while checking
her out. Damn it, why can't my life be normal?
I want a cute lil’ cinnamon girl in a sundress. I'd love
her, and kiss her, and bring her flowers every night.
Oh, God, what I wouldn't give for normal, everyday
simple life.
I teared up, then swallowed hard. Then manned up to
face the fate that was mine and mine alone. I crossed
the street and started walking very fast. I don't know

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why, I didn't know where I was going, but I just
thought somehow, someway, I have to use this
opportunity to try and escape. I pulled the big blonde
hair down as far as I could to try and cover my face
from the cams. Then I put my head down and just
kept on trucking as fast as I could walk without
standing out in the crowd. I picked my head up to
look for shelter and ran straight into Davy Crockett
and the captain. Both wearing their gray pinstriped
Davy grabbed me by the arms and said, “Whoa, man,
where ya going?”
I sighed. I actually felt a little bit relieved.
I answered, “Back to the train where it's safe and
The captain looked down and snatched the catdog up
by the back of its neck and examined the blood on
her feet and asked, “What happened?”
To which I replied, “That cat’s got some sharp nails.
You wouldn't believe it if I told you.”
“Uh huh,” he replied.
Then he took off his jacket and wrapped the cat up in
it. “We'll see about that now, won’t we?”
Then they escorted me into the limo ball parked a few
feet away. One of them snatched my wig off and
threw it on the ground and said, “Get in.”
Then he climbed in beside me. Davy Crockett got into
the front seat and programmed our destination.
We were off. The captain said, “So, what really
I answered, “That cat went psycho and sliced
everybody's throats.”
He asked, “And why didn't he slice yours?”
I answered, “I don't know. I'm not a catdog.”
About that time, we all noticed several police flyers
moving in towards the river behind us and some
police rolloballs flying past us headed down towards
the river.

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Then he said, “I suppose he let you out of the
restraints as well, huh?”
I was at a loss. “You got me, but you gotta believe me.
I didn't do it,” I said while shaking my head no.
He smirked and asked, “Do what?” as his eyes
followed a cop ball rolling in the other direction.
Just then, Davy gestured a VeeM back to us, and
blew it up real big and said, “You need to see this.”
It was a breaking news report showing a bloody,
multiple homicide on a boat near the riverwalk. They
were showing a picture of me in a blonde wig as the
main suspect, who might be armed and dangerous.
The text scrolling underneath was offering a huge
bounty for anyone with any information that might
lead to my arrest. Then they minimized my face to the
top right corner of the hologram and showed the
captain’s face and said that the captain assigned to
the boat was missing and also wanted for
Fuck, I'm so dead.
Then Davy turned the volume down to talk to Captain
Kirk, from back at the prison, on his comband.
I heard him ask, “Have you seen the report?”
Davy answered, “Yeah, we just saw it.” Then they
talked about it for a few moments.
Then Kirk informed them of a large, close void in sync
world, and directed Davy to tie up the captain there,
where he could later explain to the cops that the
killer kidnapped him and tied him up. Then Kirk
explained, “Be sure to put that little weasel in the
trunk first, if you haven't already.”
“Great,” I mumbled under my breath.