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Chapter #18

Declan 1.1 (Rain)

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He was probably noticing the deadbolt right about now, though.
Oh man, the deadbolt!
Gotta hurry.
I started walking faster. I had to get back to the room. Time was running
out. Go, go, go!
No, no, no.
And swish, I was intercepted by Peyote Patty.
She slowed my pace to a crawl as she walked backwards right in front of
me. I could smell her cinnamon breath, she was so close up. She looked me
straight in the eye with an unnaturally stern look on her face.
She was so delightful and bubbly before, her personality so innocently
and instantly mesmerizing, with her child-like demeanor. Especially earlier,
when she just stood there waving and smiling at me, her elbows all tucked in,
knowing full well that I was hiding.
I was miffed.
Then, she threw her face back, put her nose to the air, and stiffened her
neck. I was amused and quite perplexed, until I noticed the corners of her
mouth rise just a tiny, little bit.
She was teasing me.
She said, just loud enough for the morning crowd checking out in the
lobby to hear, “I let you eat my pie, and now you’re too good to say hello?” She
thrust her hips towards me, stopping abruptly.
I was embarrassed and shocked as I bumped into her. I pleaded, “Come
on, Patty. I'm not like that. I'm just in a hurry. I have some important things to

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Her face lit up, and she replied, “Oh, you should skip then. Come on.”
And then she skipped around and through the people in the lobby, and then
cartwheeled down the hallway to my room, where she stopped, spun around,
and cocked her head to the left and then to the right, with a smile in between.
As I walked up to the door, she asked, “What took you so long?”
I think they took her out of that mental ward a little too soon.
I whined, “Patty, don't you have something to do?”
She looked down and answered, “No, Jose is doing important stuff with
Michio and his security buffoons, and I don't have anyone to play with.”
I opened the door and asked her, “Would you like to get me a cup of
coffee while I freshen up a bit? I'll buy you one too.”
“Okay,” she squealed, looking all excited just to have something to do. So
I gave her some money and watched her skip away as I closed the door.
That Patty was something else. I honestly don't know how she does it.
She had to be close to Jose's age. I wish I could feel like a kid again.
I opened the closet door, and the devil looked straight at me.
He stretched his mouth and bared his teeth, and then clack, clack, clack,
like he did before when we were walking through the desert. His eyes were
bulging from dehydration, and with his hairdo, fuck man, he looked freaking
Clack, clack.
It had been a while since I gave him some water. I started to give him
some, but nah, it'd just be a waste. After all, I was fixing to feed him to the bus
driver and teach them both a lesson.
That guy would probably run over a kid someday if somebody didn't do
something soon.
Yeah, well, what the hell. I poured QD a little cup of water, and he asked,
“O Great Master, shall I wear my wig for you?” He raised it up in his hand to
show me.

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At that moment, I thought it might be a great idea if I put on a disguise
of some kind, so I told him, “Give me that.” Then I went to the bathroom and
dusted it off, as if his nappy head might be contagious. And that if it were,
smacking the wig around a few times would surely cleanse it.
Of course, then I brushed it out and put it on. I put on the exercise outfit
that I'd gotten from the Dillard's clearance rack in town and printed me out
some hot pink shorts.
I was in full drag.
I shaved my face as smooth as it could be, but I dry shaved under my
nose and left some stragglers behind. I put on some chrome nylons and let my
hairs poke through some of the holes here and there. Nobody would give me a
second look. I was dialed down and incognito.
I took the razor and shaving cream over to the closet and told Dipmo to
get out and go stand by the sink. His eyes were still bugging out. I must not
have given him enough water.
Then I heard Peyote Patty knocking on the door, singing, “Knock, knock,
Dubock. I got the coff-coff.”
I told the door to open, and she came through with a cup of Geronimo's
finest. She handed it to me, looking at me with a rather cute smile, and said,
“One lump or two?” She dropped a little white cube, and then a little black
cube, into my coffee. Putting her hand under the cup, she raised it to my lips
and said, “Drinky, drinky.” And all the while she’s wearing this sweet, little,
innocent smile and looking at me with big dark brown eyes.
Then she blinked a few times, batting her eyelashes until she finally
revealed her eyes once more, looking sharply to the left, then back at me and
proceeded to help me tilt the cup at my lips.
My hand was on the cup as well, resisting weakly.
Oh fuck. What am I doing? Obviously Psycho Patty found Jose's
medicine cabinet. I just didn't have the willpower to resist her. I know she
knows about those freaky cubes.

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Maybe it was just sugar and flavoring from the coffee house.
Nope, here comes the rush.
She smiled and laughed at me as her big, starry brown eyes shifted from
cogs to stars that went A-1 supernova, and the light blinded the entire room.
And it only lasted that moment.
But then again, it was just a sip.
“Oh, I want to play dress up! Can I, can I?” begged Patty.
Well, I wasn’t about to say no. She'd just keep pestering and hounding
me until I let her anyway.
“Yeah, you can help,” I said. “Think you could shave my robot's head?
His name is QD Jizmo.”
She laughed at his name and went right to work.
“Do you think you could pick him out a nice suit?” I asked. “I'm taking
him to a funeral, and we need to leave within the hour.”
“Sure,” said Patty happily. QD clacked quietly a couple of times, then
spun his head around. Then she said, “We'll need a sporty, but not too showy,
black hat. His scalp is so splotchy. Perhaps a top hat would be nice.”
“Sure. You just print out whatever you think he'd like. I’ll just finish my
coffee,” I said.
Finish my coffee. I have to be insane. But I took another sip.
It was good coffee. I sipped it very slowly, though. The first sip burned
my tongue a little. Now it was all tingly and weird feeling.
I took a couple more small sips before deciding it was just a bad idea, so
I put the cup down.
I watched Patty do her magic. I have to say, it didn't take her long to
whip ol' QD Jizmo into shape. He didn't look half bad. As he leaned over the
sink to brush his choppers, I decided I kind of liked the top hat. It was a nice
touch. When he turned around, he had a Hitler mustache. Apparently he
smeared black toothpaste under his nose.
Jizmo was definitely better coordinated after a puff or two.

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I handed him another glass of water, and he thanked me.
It was amazing how alive he sounded, even in his nonliving state. You'd
think he could get his own water, though. I think the present time flash back
from time traveling earlier fried something in his robot brain.
I adjusted my breasts a little and said, “Come on, Jiz. We've got a bus to
Patty looked up at me with hopeful eyes and said, “I want to go. It'll just
take a minute for me to get ready. Look, I already printed a pretty bonnet. If
you think it's morbid, I could pick another.”
“No. Nope. No, no, no,” I stammered. “You can't go to this one, sister. We
have to go now. But really, thanks a million for the help. I don't know how I
would've done all this in time without you. Take it easy on them coffee lumps,
Patty. I don't think it's a good idea to spread them around.”
I knew I couldn't handle any more. Them pills are whacked.
I told QD, “Follow me.”
And he replied, “Yes, O Great Master.”
O Great Master. I was starting to get tired of that, but there were
certainly more pressing concerns at the moment.
I opened the door and said to Patty, “Go, but tell me if any security
guards are around, or that Victor guy. You know, the maintenance man.”
She jokingly whispered, “Okay, but I didn't know you worked for the
CIA.” She walked out of the door, swinging her arms around nonchalantly.
I looked at QD and said, “Ladies first.”
Confused, he replied, “You’re the one in nylons.”
I smacked him on the head and spat, “Go on!”
We started walking down the corridor towards the elevator, and I asked,
“Do you know where the rooftop is?”
“Hold please,” he requested. A moment passed, and then he replied, “I
have acquired the building’s schematics.”
He opened a VeeM, and I told him, “Just lead the way.”

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We entered the elevator and went up a few floors. Then we walked
towards the back of the resort and took another one. When we got off, we
walked over to what looked like a break room. There was a soda machine, a
candy and chip dispenser, and an Auto Taco that looked like it had seen better
days with an out-of-order sign on it. A second glance behind the viewing pane
revealed a rat stuck in the cheese shredder wheel. I almost puked. I really
wished I hadn't seen that.
In the back corner, tucked beside an ice machine, was a padlocked door
marked ‘Roof Access.’
I sprayed the lock with a shot of helium and smacked it the same way I
opened the deadbolt earlier, and voila, presto open-o. This stuff is great.
Dangerous, but great. I could see where one could lose a finger or a hand
real quick.
Behind the door was a set of stairs leading up to the rooftop door. I was
starting to worry we might have missed the bus. So I told QD, “Hurry now. We
don't want to be late.”
I hit the roof and said, “Come on, come on.” I swiftly walked across the
rooftop to the side of the resort by the parking lot.
It was hot out early, so humid it felt like summertime back home.
I leaned over and looked down at the street. I immediately started feeling
a little woozy. I stood up straight, and the rooftop started spinning under my
feet. I stumbled and grabbed an antenna that was little help. It wasn’t even
fastened to anything. I was holding on to it and rocking back and forth, looking
down at its base. It was precariously sticking up out of a cinder block filled
with cement, and a single bag of sand was draped over the top of it. We both
almost fell over when I grabbed it.
The wobbly holding up the wobbly.
This was some serious vertigo.
The coffee was kicking in. Oh shit, I should have known better.

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I looked out across the parking lot, and right on time, here came the bus.
I wasn’t a killer. I was just disposing of a machine that had gone haywire.
The roof had a short, knee-high wall around the top to direct water to the
designated storm drainage holes. You know, like most commercial rooftops. I
told QD, “Get up there. I want to see if you can balance on the wall.”
“Yes, O Great Master,” he replied. Being in droid mode, he did as I
I heard the bus switch gears as I told QD, “Open wide” as I tightend my
grip on the small can of helium.
Then I felt the time warp effect starting to pull at me as I gave QD his
final puff. Everything went into slow motion as I released the icy gas into his
mouth. Frame by frame I watched the gas slowly going down as he inhaled.
It took several moments to discharge as the pills’ effects slowed time to a
snail’s pace.
The vapor slowly piped out of his ears and nostrils.
Frame by frame I watched his face slowly come to life.
“I'm alive!” he shouted, and his speech was blurred from the time warp
effect. And then a solid moment passed as he stumbled. He caught his balance
and said in a slow-motion voice, “Declan, why?”
“An eye for an eye, and you threw John under the bus,” I answered.
My hands found his rib cage, and I started pushing. I looked into his
eyes, and at that moment, time slowed to a grinding halt, and the only thing
moving anywhere was them damn eyeball sprockets. They were turning and
flashing. This time, they were in QD's eyes and drawing me in.
The rush was intense.
So far back, in the moment still.
The abyss slipped by me as I sank in its waters. They started off
bathwater warm and then grew colder as I sank ever deeper and deeper. I
landed on the bottom softly, stirring the silt.

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My sight was blurry, and as it cleared, I found my feet on dry land. I
looked up and saw a naked man with his naked wife in a garden, and they
were beautiful.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a squid floating in midair,
looking at me.
I became the squid and watched as ink and water squirted out, jetting
me a little forward in time, where I saw the man and his woman were clothed.
The man looked exhausted, and the woman was pregnant. We swam a
Then we jetted forward again, to a time of two children. I saw them
running and playing in a forest just outside of a small farm. They were brothers
who shared meals, sleep, and adventures together. We swam through the
course of their youth, and I saw them growing up together. Another surge, and
I saw one of the brothers walking on a trail, mumbling over and over, “Am I my
brother’s keeper?” I turned and looked down the trail, and the youngest man
was down for the count, bleeding badly.
A chill shook me to the bone as I watched him die.
I turned back and saw the other one drop a bloody stone.
I was quite sure that I'd just witnessed a murder.
A massive rush revealed another side of reality, a side unsure. Stars,
time, and universe parted like a veil...
I found myself in what felt like a graveyard. I was standing in the midst
of four caverns with rounded, smooth edges. The still silence enveloped my
entire being as I stood there, alone in the middle of darkness.
I was petrified.
Deep down in my soul, I could feel that this place was filled with the
ghosts of those departed. They were divided by category, each cavern housing
its number, proposing their purpose, and those inside awaiting the great white

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In the midst of their hallowed halls, I heard water flowing in one of the
caverns and a familiar voice deep inside whisper, “Words for the merciful.” I
marveled at the explanation.
Then I heard a man's voice echoing in one of the other chambers.
It was his, the man that had been slain by his brother.
I listened closer to hear what he was saying.
From what I could put together, he was filing suit against his brother.
His voice was soft, like a man straining to speak through a very dry throat. And
with all of his strength, these words fell out of his mouth—
“My seed, my seed. My seed would have matured into multitudes and
nations. My life cut short with no children to survive me.”
And my own mouth was dry, right down to the bottom of my throat. I
looked around, far and wide, and I searched the entire cavern. There was no
water in this dwelling.
No drink at all.
At the end of my search, I floated backwards and through the slain
brother’s ghost. I slowed down to a stop, facing him man to man.
I was amazed.
And he looked me square in the eyes, and the cogs lit up and started to
turn as he morphed into QD. He looked up at me and said, “Go ahead, Declan.
I forgive you.”
And with his words, a fountain of water sprang forth out of the ground
and the background transformed into reality.
Lightning flashed lighting up the sky.
Stunned by the vision, I experienced a change of heart.
In dire straits, I grabbed QD's ribcage, pulling him towards me as time
zoomed back, both in and out of me.
Lightning flashed, and thunder ran through me as I felt the knee-high
wall crush my chest. It knocked the wind right out of me. As I tried to draw a
breath, I watched the top hat fall down and hit the bus’s windshield.

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Lightning flashed again, and QD uttered, “Mercy.”
And then more lightning and thunder struck all around, and I felt the
familiar cool wind that comes just before a ravenous storm of pouring rain. My
grip was slipping. Frightened, I looked down at QD, who looked calmly back at
me and asked, “Shall I let go?” He had a stupid smirk on his face.
I had to let go.
I had to get my chest off that wall.
I had to let go to breathe.
Instinct took over.
I fell back, gasping and choking, but mostly gasping with the pain of my
sore lungs. Large, cool drops of water pattered my body as the rain began
falling down in between the gusts of wind. I almost passed out, and all I could
think was, Fuck, I lost him. I can’t believe it.
The rain and wind picked up as the lightning moved past us and out over
the desert, and the rain behind the front came pouring down in large drops. I
gathered my strength to lift my head just a bit, and as it creaked up, I saw him.
He was standing over me, looking at me looking at him.
I dropped my head back onto the roof. I heard him say, “‘Kay, now it's
your turn!”
“Get it over with,” I choked while sliding my finger across my jugular, still
struggling to breathe.
“Nice outfit,” he said, and he helped me up in between the gusts of wind,
leading me to the door in the pouring rain.
We went down the stairs to the break room and stood there dripping wet.
QD said, “Declan, you have no idea what you've done.”
“I'm so sorry,” I said, “but you shouldn't have done that to John. That
was wrong.”
“John Goldman? What the— I didn't do anything to John!” he exclaimed.
“You switched the serial numbers with him from the heist! You told me
yourself!” I replied, raising my voice.

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Then there was a short pause, and I continued, “I asked you, and that's
what you said. Then you blanked out.”
“No! When did I— Oh no, I wasn't paying attention to what you were
saying, I was trying to tell you that John has a girlfriend in the shipping
department. He could have helped us get to the moon.”
We glared at each other a minute as we stood there in the break room.
“Dude, you don't know what you've done,” QD said. “New York is
probably in ruins, even as we speak.”
“What? Dude, that's old news. You’re delusional. I just tried to kill you,
man. And now you want to stand there and lie to me? I called, and John's in
the brig.”
“Not for stealing funds,” QD replied.
Wow, this was some news.
I said, “Dude, I almost tried to kill you over a misunderstanding. Don't
you want to punch me in the face or something?” Then I added under my
breath, “Maybe you're not as alive as we thought you were.”
“Oh, I'm alive all right.”
“So what, you forgive me? Just like that?” I asked.
“Oh, I'll forgive you,” QD replied, “but I don't know if all of them New
Yorkers will. The quantum server in the Synopsis Five building is kind of like
my mother, Dicklan, and your death threat the other day caused her to have a
panic attack. I can only imagine what you trying to throw me off the building
might have caused.”
“Oh my God.”
If this is true…
The guilt weakened my knees, and I wanted to fall down and cry right
there, but I also knew they'd be coming up any second looking for us.
QD said, “we better get going”. But I knew he was already gone. The ol’
voice-out-of-the-speaker trick. QD’s last sentence came through the candy
machine’s speaker.

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He was gone, cloaked himself and left a hologram to accompany me.
I passed my hand through him, and, yep, he was a hologram.
I decided to walk slowly down the hall back to my room, grab the bank
stash, pay cash for something that could handle long distances, and go home.
I'd probably get caught, but I knew I couldn't stay at Geronimo’s any longer. I
was sure they’d put together my part in the robbery by now, and I was sure
this place would be crawling all over with NSA agents, if it wasn't already.
I turned to look where I was going, and a man in a small-brimmed hat
approached me, flashing his badge. “I'm Sergeant Friday of the Indian Police
Department,” he said. “Are you Mr. Dubock Fonzarelli?”
“You know I am,” I replied.
He said, “You’re going to need to come with me, sir.”
I asked if he'd let me go and change clothes first, but he just stood there.
His facial expression wavered not. “Would you like me to put the cuffs on, Mr.
Fonzarelli?” he asked instead.
“No, I'm coming,” I replied.

The End

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Thank you for reading Declan 1.1 I Hate Robots.
I hope you enjoyed reading this first book. I’m certainly looking forward
to entertaining with several more! All the best…
Clayton Beal

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Declan 2.0 The fading is now available on ChapterCat.Com
Be sure and check it out!

For all the latest updates, release dates, and book signings, be sure to
check out, “Clayton”